| There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked. |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| OHHHHHH YEAH. |
[09 Apr 2009|05:44am] |
Love ya!
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| Godspeed, sir. |
[17 Sep 2007|06:29am] |
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surprised |
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Fairley Oddparents in the background |
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Oh my god.
Robert Jordan died.
It's a sad day for fantasy geeks everywhere. :(
RIP.
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| Crashing inside you like motorbikes. |
[25 Aug 2007|05:09pm] |
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contemplative |
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Burn~Alkaline Trio |
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Of all the things that have affected me in myriad ways throughout my life, nothing comes close to the impact that music has had on me. Except maybe becoming a parent, but that should go without saying and is on an entirely different plane.
Music is my escape. It's my solace. It's my release. When I'm alone in my car, singing along with whatever song and putting my whole soul behind it...there's no other feeling like it in the entire world. I know that I probably look like a complete lunatic to whoever may see me, but at that moment, nothing else matters but the notes and the lyrics. I wish there were a way to describe it...whenever I sing, I feel free. It sounds trite as all hell, but it's the complete truth.
Occasionally I get scoffed at or disdained for the music I claim as my own. It doesn't bother me. Music is too precious to me to allow it to be degraded in my mind. People ask me how it feels to know that the music I embrace is also embraced by 13-year-old fangirls. To be honest, I could care less. I don't define the music I love by the audience that also loves it. Certainly there is a sense of community with certain bands' fans (AFI for example, although the DF is surely not the stellar example it used to be, there is still hidden within its ranks a true family among the elitists), but that doesn't cause me to like or dislike bands. That would be shameful in my opinion.
Also, I've never gotten the point of slamming a band that you don't like. Even if that artist's music isn't your cup of tea, it is most definitely someone else out there's, and that band is doing something that most of us never get to dream of doing. Taking their words, their beliefs, their life and putting out there for the public to judge. No matter who you are, that takes courage. And determination. So even if I choose not to listen to their music, I have to admire their tenacity.
Music is the universal singular experience. Every song is interpreted differently by every listener. Each note touches each person in a unique way. It doesn't get any more amazing than that. And I'm thankful every day that I have it to get me through.
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| Maaaaaan... |
[25 Aug 2007|08:01am] |
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Xenosaga II in the background |
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As if I needed another reason to hate Aiden:
Jeffree Star is the focus of their brand new video.
Ugh. Not what I need to see first thing this morning.
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| My soul is useless without you. |
[16 Aug 2007|10:03pm] |
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indescribable |
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Please see below |
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A Walk Through Hell
Say Anything
And if I could swim, I'd swim out to you in the ocean,
Swim out to where you were floating in the dark.
And if I was blessed, I'd walk on the water you're breathing,
To lend you some air for that heaving, sunken chest.
'Cause they chose you as the model for their empty little dreams,
With your new head and your legs spread like a filthy magazine.
And they hunt you, and they gut you, and you give in.
And if I was brave, I'd climb up to you on the mountain,
They led you to drink from their fountain spouting lies.
And I'd slay the horrible beast they commissioned
To steer me away from my mission to your eyes.
And I'd stand there, like a soldier, with my foot upon his chest,
With my grin spread, and my arms out, in my bloodstained Sunday's best,
And you'd hold me; I'd remind you who you are under their shell.
I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes
These soles are useless without you
Through hell for you, let the torturing ensue;
My soul is useless without you...
And if they send a whirlwind, I'd hug it like a harmless little tree.
Or an earthquake, I'd calm it, and I'd bring you back to me.
And I'd hold you in my weak arms like a first born.
I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes,
These soles are useless without you
Through hell for you, let the torturing ensue;
My soul is usless without you...
Through hell for you
Through hell for you
Without you, without you...
Through hell for you.
Without you...
Through hell for you
Now I've walked through hell for you.
What's an adventurer to do,
But rest these feet at home with you?
Call me crazy, but that's got to be one of the most romantic songs I've ever heard. To be loved that deeply...wow.
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| Still greater things burned within us. |
[16 Aug 2007|09:44pm] |
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Beloved~VNV Nation |
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Indescribable. That's a good place to start.
That's basically how I've been feeling the last few weeks. Torn, wretched, mostly useless and rejected. I keep hearing 'Numb' by Linkin Park on the radio and indentifying with it more than I want to. I really don't want to identify with a freaking Linkin Park song.
I'm angry about things that are beyond my control, things that maybe I have no right or reason to be angry about. But the anger is there, just the same. I feel useless when it comes to helping people that I care about. I feel like a fuck-up, a failure of the worst sort. I feel like I'm letting one of the best things in my life slip through my fingers. No matter which way I turn, no matter what I do, someone gets hurt.
I just want to help. That's all. I don't know what else I can do.
I guess this is a very rambling entry. That's what I get when I skip around on my admittedly schizophrenic playlist. Heh.
I suppose that, at the end of the day, I just want everyone I care about to be happy. And while I do my damndest to assure that, I just...can't seem to quite do it. I have worn myself so very thin trying to be everything to everyone...and I seem to have lost myself in the process. Hopefully I'll find myself again. But, to my thinking, that doesn't really matter so long as everyone else is happy.
I think I'm going to go now, before I really bore the few people who read this.
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| This is the cutest song I've ever heard. |
[13 Aug 2007|07:53pm] |
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Kingdom Hearts II in the background |
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Goodnight, Demon Slayer
Voltaire
There’s a monster that lives ‘neath your bed
Oh for crying out loud it’s a futon on the floor
He must be flat as a board
There’s a creature that lurks behind the door
Though I’ve checked there 15 times
When I leave then he arrives
Every night
Tell the monster that lives ‘neath your bed
To go somewhere else instead
Or you’ll kick him in the head
Tell the creature that lurks behind the door
If he knows what’s good he won’t come here no more
Cause you’ll kick in his butt at the count of four
Goodnight demon slayer, goodnight
Now it's time to close your tired eyes
There are devils to slay and dragons to ride
If they see you coming, hell they better hide
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight my little slayer goodnight
Tell the monster that eats children, that you taste bad
And you’re sure you’d be the worst he’s ever had
If he eats you, don’t you fret, just cut him open with an axe
Don’t regret it, he deserved it, he’s a cad
Tell the harpies that land on your bed post
That at the count of five you’ll roast them alive
Tell the devil it's time you gave him his due
He should go back to hell, he should shake in his shoes
Cause the mightiest, scariest, creature is you
Goodnight demon slayer, goodnight
Now it's time to close your tired eyes
There's devils to slay and dragons to ride
If they see you coming, hell they better hide
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight my little slayer goodnight
I won’t tell you, there’s nothing ‘neath your bed
I won’t sell you, that it’s all in your head
This world of ours is not as it seems
The monsters are real but they're not in your dreams
Learn what you can from the beasts you defeat,
you’ll need it for some of the people you meet
Goodnight demon slayer, goodnight
Now its time to close your tired eyes
There are devils to slay and dragons to ride
If they see you coming, hell they better hide
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight my little slayer goodnight
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| Everything they ever told us shakes our faith and breaks the promise. |
[07 Aug 2007|02:26pm] |
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Change~Candlebox |
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I just don't get it.
How can people be so heartless? Intentionally inflict misery on other people? Don't get me wrong. I'm not naive. I know there's evil and wrong in the world. Without it there would be no way to gage goodness, so I suppose it has its purpose. But...when it is within your power to be kind, to do the right thing...why take the opposite road? Even if it's for a purely selfish reason, say to avoid karma, why be cruel and petty when it's so easy to be kind and...I don't know...human? There doesn't seem to be any reason to it.
I guess I'm missing something. I know that I hope that people treat me kindly. Be civil towards me. And hoping that, what kind of sense would it make to be purposely cruel? To what end? What does that gain you except a cloud of negativity surrounding you and all yours? That brings up another question.
It seems so obvious to me that everything a person does affects the universe. Think about the butterfly effect (the theory, not the movie). Why would someone want to contribute more negativity to that? Isn't it already bleak enough? Why not send out as much light as you can, at least that way you can say, 'I did what I could'. Does no one worry about final consequenes anymore?
*sigh*
I realize this all sounds like hippie white-lighter BS. But it's just the only thing that makes sense to me. Do good and good will come to you. Do bad, and it works the same way. I've seen it happen too much to think otherwise.
I'm starting to understand what a certain rock star said about hating humanity. I don't hate it. I'm just...brutally disappointed, I guess. Such are the perils of growing older and having your illusions proven false. Some people are just morally empty. There's no escaping that, other than to remove yourself from their presence. And all you can do at the end of the day is keep doing the right thing, and hoping it's remembered in the great scheme of things.
I do know this much. I don't want to be remembered as not trying. I want to be remembered for making a difference.
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| <3 |
[05 Aug 2007|07:33pm] |
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This is the greatest and best thing ever.
Squee. I <3 him so much.
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| Oh my goodness. |
[03 Aug 2007|08:39am] |
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Would~Alice In Chains |
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http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20061164/
The first one made me laugh my butt off. Seriously. The wording is just hilarious.
PS--Lily wanted to have a tea party this morning, and she wanted 'the white boy' to come. When pressed further on who 'the white boy' was, she said, 'Johnny Star!' And JD and I looked at each other. And figured out that apparently, she meant Jeffree Star.
I need to keep my kids away from the internet more. Haha.
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| Mama said there'd be days like this. |
[01 Aug 2007|08:45am] |
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Lex & Terry |
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Some days, your day starts off so badly it makes you want to scream.
My hair wouldn't work, my outfit makes me look even bigger than I am, my makeup was being uncooperative.
Agh. :(
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| I've got to learn to swim all over again. |
[20 Jul 2007|07:35pm] |
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Pain Lies By The Riverside~Live |
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I don't know why I haven't done this before, but I just made myself a mix cd of songs by Live. Crazy. Of all the ones I've made, I'd never made one of the formative band of my adolescence. Go figure.
I've finally decided. I'm going to dye my hair back to black. I miss having it. Plus, even though it's pretty much my natural color now...I just don't think it suits me anymore. Weird how that stuff happens.
Plus, you know, I'm so gawth and all.
I love my new icon. Just sayin'.
<3
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| Squee. |
[20 Jul 2007|10:25am] |
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Fully Alive~Flyleaf |
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New icon.
Show me love.
<3
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| I hate it when... |
[08 Jul 2007|08:27am] |
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...I wake up crying from a dream that feels completely real, and I can't shake the feeling that it was a little more than a dream.
Continuing in the apparent tradition of dreams that deeply disturb you, I had a dream last night that Darrell got mugged and was stabbed while on a delivery.
It was so real that as soon as I woke up I came out to the computer and checked the News Journal website to make sure it didn't actually happen.
Darrell, just be careful, OK? It's been a long time since I had a dream that felt that real, and I've learned in the past not to ignore them when they happen.
Everyone else, go back about your normal, insanity-free lives.
EDIT: Also in the bad things happening that make me cry department: Lily was tossing around a Beanie Baby and broke the angel that Tristan gave me for my first Mothers' Day. It's shaping up to be a lovely day. :(
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| Yay fun. |
[05 Jul 2007|09:36am] |
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Come As You Are~Nirvana |
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Since it's only 9:41 and I already don't have anything to do, here, have a survey. Thrilling, I know.
( Same ol', same ol' situation. )
Well, that took up a grand total of 22 minutes. Woo.
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| So. Transformers. |
[03 Jul 2007|10:34pm] |
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some western movie on TV |
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We went to see Transformers tonight. The movie I've been waiting nigh on a year for.
I don't get it. I just don't get it. What's with all the hate? Maybe it's because I went into this as someone who was accepting of the fact that it wasn't going to be anything like the Transformers of old. Maybe it's because I grew up playing with My Little Ponies more than Robots In Disguise. Whatever the case, I thought it was a spectacularly done, amazingly fun, very endearing and heroic movie.
That said, I'm going to cut the rest because I know there are probably a few people who don't want to read spoilers and whatnot.
( Raves and rants. )
All in all, I loved the movie. I'd say it's easily in my top 5 movies ever. So yeah. I guess that's all I wanted to say.
Oh, and Tristan loved it too. Even if the poor guy fell asleep for the fight. Haha.
'Night.
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| Pretty spiffy. |
[25 Jun 2007|02:39pm] |
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I Told You So~Keith Urban |
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| AWWWW. |
[17 Jun 2007|09:40am] |
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touched |
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commercials |
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The kids just called JD to tell him happy Fathers' Day.
I gotta admit, I got all misty.
*sniff*
Happy Fathers' Day to all the daddies on my list.
Which would be Arthur.
Haha.
:D
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| Post-Pachelbel. |
[26 May 2007|08:22am] |
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Tristan and Lily playing |
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So everything went swimmingly yesterday. Tristan looked so handome in his tux, and Lily was adorable in her dress. Tristan escorted Nan to her seat. Lily and Preston walked hand in hand up the aisle and it was just too cute.And Summer (my baby sister) looked absolutely stunning.
I'll admit it, I cried. I can't believe she's all grown up now.
She and JD (haha, funny, isn't it?) have been together since forever, and they make such a great couple. They obviously love each other so much. Both of them cried when they were doing their vows, it was really sweet.
The reception was fun. There was a slide show of JD and Summer through the years, and Preston and Lily danced while JD and Summer were dancing their first dance.
All in all, a very good time.
So, I guess that's all for now.
EVERYONE WISH LILY A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! My baby girl is 4 whole years old today! Tristan and I sang happy birthday to her when she woke up. :)
Later!
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| Screw you, Pachelbel! |
[25 May 2007|06:07am] |
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Lily rambling some more |
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Today, my baby sister is getting married.
While this thrills me to pieces (and of course makes me a little bit sad too), there is something that I'm mystified about.
The wedding is at 6:30.
Why, WHY do the girls in the wedding party have to be at the church at 9?
When she told me last night, I said, "...PM?"
Ah well. I'll let you know how it goes. Lily is the flower girl, and Tristan is an usher. And I'm a bridesmaid.
Wish us luck, haha.
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| La la la. |
[25 May 2007|06:06am] |
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Lily rambling |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR NICHOLAS!!!
I hope it's great.
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| Tee hee. |
[16 May 2007|06:04am] |
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Aleister munching |
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It's very interesting to wake up in the morning, go outside to smoke a cigarette, and think you've been the victim of a high school prank because there's shaving cream all over your driveway.
Must have been one heck of a time after I went to bed last night. o.O
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| Ole'! |
[14 May 2007|06:11am] |
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de nada |
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So we took Tristan to La Hacienda for his birthday on Saturday. For birthdays they bring you a sombrero to wear whilst they sing you what I assume is a birthday song in Spanish. Hilarity ensued. Check it out!
( Vamanos! )
Ta!
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| A momentous occasion. |
[12 May 2007|06:27am] |
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Finding Nemo |
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Everyone tell Tristan happy birthday!
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| A Morning At The Museum. |
[30 Apr 2007|06:28am] |
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Aleister mrowing again |
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So Saturday we went to the National Museum of Naval Aviation. Hadn't taken the kids in a while and they love getting in the planes. Coincidentally, we took pictures.
( Off we go, into the wild blue yonder... )
That's about it. We're leaving for MA at ass-early o'clock tomorrow morning. Woo!
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| Blood will out. |
[25 Apr 2007|07:03am] |
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accomplished |
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Aleister nancing about |
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